Send In The Clowns

Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought you'd want what I want. Alfie, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're here.

~Stephen Sondheim

Whether or not Loretta Serrano knew she missed out on the St. Patrick’s Day prosperity is yet to be determined. One has to wonder how the unexpected largesse escaped her detection considering the camaraderie between herself and Alfie’s ‘ex’.

"Over the past few years, I have received a few updated pictures of his oldest son in correspondence with his ex-wife, and "met" his sister via e-mail messages." -6/16/05

Perhaps the ‘ex’ simply didn’t want to bother Loretta with such trivial matters? On the other hand, I hardly think Loretta would have dedicated a 3/17/04 entry to her Irish lineage had she been aware of the judgment. My hunch is Loretta’s private investigator slipped up and celebrated with one too many green beers that day.

Nevertheless, Loretta has her priorities and Alfie’s social life remained her primary focus. After hacking into his e-mail account and discovering he was communicating with a new squeeze in November, Loretta summoned the misfit clowns who engaged in what can only be described as a Vaudeville act.

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I can't believe what I just read. Alfie's ability to write all the right things absolutely floored me. I can really see how masterful an "N" can be and the ability to cater to her precise needs is eerie. Thanks for sharing, it is very helpful for others to see the extent of an "N's" deceit. -Posted by DetroitPaula at November 20, 2004 12:48 PM

Yeah, nauseating, isn't it? I am torn between hilarity and disgust. I do have her phone numbers, but I hate to blow my cover by e-mailing her or calling her, because then Alfie might blow a gasket. Let's see how it plays out first. -Posted by loretta at November 20, 2004 12:51 PM

Love, Love, Love the Entry, Kinda like knowing you are about to see a train wreck. He sure has all the code words down pat. I can't believe Alfie didn't change his password. Of course, men are somewhat of an enigma. -Posted by Lesa at November 20, 2004 12:51 PM

I think one of the Secret Posting gals will have to warn "Eve." Someone from the area might be the most effective.The plan is to warn her by telling her that Alfie is also corresponding with another woman, and to say he inadvertantly forwarded an e-mail using it as a template and forgot to remove the original address. The best way to discourage these women is to arouse their jealousy and betrayal instincts. They don't listen to reason. They only get alarmed when they think he's two-timing them. Hey, I know the drill. -Posted by loretta at November 20, 2004 12:54 PM

Hey Loretta, Since they have talked about pictures, I bet she would be interested in accidentally getting one of him and his forgotten son. -Posted by Lesa at November 20, 2004 12:59 PM

Loretta, don't blow your abilities to read those emails. Eve or no Eve I think in the long run you need that ability to keep an eye on this bastard. Really he is disgusting and to think he has the cutest son so full of energy and warmth this side of the Mississippi and he doesn't even acknowledge him! -Posted by DetroitPaula at November 20, 2004 01:03 PM

Today's wallpaper is of primroses, in honor of the path down which Alfie is leading poor Eve. -Posted by loretta at November 20, 2004 01:05 PM

For whatever reason, Alfie uses his first son as sort of pity-fodder. He gains sympathy from women when they are told he can't see his son because his ex is a psycho, or whatever. He gains so much ground from that, he has incorporated it into his repertoire. Now, them knowing about a little kid he abandoned, that's a horse of a different color! -Posted by loretta at November 20, 2004 01:07 PM

So someone with good writing skills (leaves me out) .. should compose a letter to her saying that she received her letter by mistake ARRR -Posted by Ponder at November 20, 2004 01:12 PM

"Just imagining you brings a big smile to my face."

I heard and read this heart-warming remark several times from my ex, later to read it verbatim in prolific e-mails he sent to a number of other women with whom he was corresponding or attempting to lure into his lair of lasciviousness. What he is really saying is, "Just imagining how I am getting over on you makes me smile with smug, self-satisfaction, knowing what a sucker you are, and how much I am going to enjoy taking advantage of your naiveté and generosity!"

~~~~~~~~From the first entry of "The Narcissist's Handbook of Romance." Anyone who needs a review: LINK Let's see how many of these lines show up in future correspondence. -Posted by loretta at November 20, 2004 01:16 PM

He never talks about ex number one, and since 2000 has not admitted I or Little Boy exist. When his last girlfriend found out about me, she was nonplussed. She let him hang around for another year or so, but considering she was a junkie, that's not hard to believe. -Posted by loretta at November 20, 2004 02:06 PM

Frankly, I think it's because him being 44 years old and not having any Exes is just too hard to swallow. He likes to use the ex as his myth of learning his lessons about life, blah blah. Plus, since some of his family still live in Houston, as do his ex and son, it's easier just to admit to their existance in case his victim takes the bait and the story comes out. Little Boy and I are easy to omit from the personal history, but he will have to be careful not to let his new love get in touch with any of his sisters or ex wife! Then the jig is up. -Posted by loretta at November 20, 2004 02:09 PM

That latest stunt from Alfie is horrible. I think you are better off having him out of Little Boy's life. I have seen ex-fathers take the opportuntity to lie their side of the story to the child and you don't need that. This is a job for the SPG. Can she write as if she is Eve and say "you're busted Alfie, I know about your trail of tears in Cleveland". He'll come up with a tale and she'll say WTH. -Posted by Pegasus at November 20, 2004 02:12 PM

Peg, we can create a fake e-mail address with her name in it somewhere. He is not all that observant and may not notice the subtle change in it. If we cause a Shakespearean farce, it would be very amusing, but he will figure out it originated from me and then I'll lose access to his email account! He has already had three e-mail accounts since we split up, but he always winds up sending me something down the road, and I find out what his new address is. -Posted by loretta at November 20, 2004 02:15 PM

Isn't he still estranged from the sisters, though? It disturbs me that Eve doesn't capitalize her sentences especially that biggie giveaway "I." That screams no self esteem even before you read her words. -Posted by Astrologer at November 20, 2004 02:21 PM

someone write it and I will send it from Canada .. -Posted by Ponder at November 20, 2004 02:27 PM

Back to Miss California - let us not get too concerned yet. First of all, Alfie has no home, so he is probably boarding somewhere cheap, or in a homeless shelter and using the library computer. Thus, he will not invite her for a visit! Second, he has no way of getting to Collyforny unless Eve sends him a ticket. If we get wind of her offering that, we'll step in and intervene. I can hear the wheels in Ponder's mind churning as we speak! -Posted by loretta at November 20, 2004 02:42 PM

LOL Lo .. she needs to be saved. -Posted by Ponder at November 20, 2004 02:46 PM

Poor Eve. Alfie knows she is a lonely homeowner. The plea for a ticket should be coming soon with winter almost here. It's cold in OH for the next 6 months. Ok, back to the SPG. Let's have "EVE" send the very same letter only addressed to .oh-let's say Scott, and post it to Alfie by mistake? Would Alfie understand that he had received a form letter? Would he even care or just go on to the next sap? You're right, Loretta, you can't lose your access to this gold mine by tipping your hand. It sure is fun to plot, though. -Posted by Pegasus at November 20, 2004 03:02 PM

I agree with the conservative approach -- I LOVE it that you have access to his email account (I'm a pinch jealous, in fact), and you don't want to risk blowing your cover unless it looks like she's about to get taken.

Alfie grunted: "You have peaked my interest and I look forward to uncover more wonders regarding you."

Fall for this stuff online? Never in a million years. Lines like that have "loser" written all over them. These guys are SO all alike. -Posted by Hannah at November 20, 2004 05:28 PM

Another gem from the wonderful man who shares my home: I was reading him the 'Alfie' emails and he said, "Somebody needs to save those in case that woman ends up dead." -Posted by Barbara at November 20, 2004 05:50 PM

(Basking in the afterglow...)

Oh, and for the record, I am mostly always right. I think I have been wrong once in recent memory. Otherwise, I am batting .900 -Posted by loretta at November 21, 2004 07:48 PM

How do you suppose the following squares with the portrait of Alfie living in a homeless shelter?

"Have you been able, Loretta, to pin down where he is supposedly working?"

I know better than to call child support because they won't tell me. I have been getting a whopping $80 a week since early November, so I am going to kind of miss that little windfall when he relocates. It could be months before he gets a new job. -Posted by loretta at December 10, 2004 01:58 PM

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"He never talks about ex number one, and since 2000 has not admitted I or Little Boy exist."