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Case Number: CRB 9900019
Defendant(s): Smith, Loretta D
Violation: Assault Section #2903-13
Degree: 1st Degree Misdemeanor
Conviction Date: 02/16/1999
Dft's Plea: No Contest Dft. Found: G
Jail Time: 30 Susp.: 30

Court docket: http://tinyurl.com/qsmoh

Loretta (Smith) Serrano could not be reached for comment. A notice on her Observations of a Misfit door, at misfitting.com, indicated she had gone fishing for the summer. Insiders say that one of the angler's fishing holes is Usenet where she trawls under the nic, Retzq, with a handful of posters that are diligently following a California murder trial through the two media outlets reporting the story, Station KFI (Talk Radio) and the Daily Breeze.

Rumors abound that Loretta’s cohorts have pooled cash resources to purchase transcripts of the trial. The armchair crime sleuths are reported to be collaborating on publishing a book about the case, in which they anticipate recovering the cost of the hefty price tags associated with the endeavor. Nevertheless, reliable sources affirm that Loretta exhibited mixed emotions when Usenet posters tackled the subject of the 1998 criminal charges:

RetzQ - Jul 25 2006 9:29 am

I couldn't care less if you all posted the documents on the front page of the New York Times. I assure you that Nobody cares.

RetzQ - Jul 26 2006 12:01 am
Why would I be sorry for something that never happened? ((((( YAWWWWNNNN )))))) Wake me up when you have something interesting, Dear.

RetzQ - Jul 26 2006 11:40 am
Gosh, I slap with the back of my hand in self-defense a fat woman who has kidnapped my 2-year old, and whom I don't know is pregnant (and it would have no bearing on the matter, anyway) and you are building the gallows for me.

RetzQ - Jul 26 2006 7:07 pm
She didn't have a swollen nose. She has a really big nose. The cop didn't know she had a large nose, so he just assumed it was swollen. Her nose always looks swollen.

How Loretta arrived at the nose conclusion is anybody's guess since she didn't stay in Mentor long enough to dispute the officer's visual assessment. The "building the gallows" reference echos Mark Geragos declaration during the lawyer's defense of yet another avid fisherman.

Puzzled by Loretta's bizarre responses, I consulted with my associate, Wendy Shoofitz. We noted the denial, lack of remorse, and general indifference toward any factual documentation presented. Together, we concluded this report wouldn't be complete without a back-story.

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