Bloggers' Hall of Shame: Up Close and Personal

Serial bullies are described as persons who harbor a lot of internal aggression, which they direct at others. Bullyonline.org estimates that one person in thirty, male or female, is a serial bully whose behavior pattern fits one of the following types: The Attention Seeker, The Wannabe, The Guru, and The Sociopath.

Selected character traits of the serial bully from bullyonline:

- is a convincing, practiced liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment

- excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive

- is glib, shallow and superficial with plenty of fine words and lots of form - but there's no substance

- is possessed of an exceptional verbal facility and will outmaneuver most people in verbal interaction, especially at times of conflict

- is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything

- is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy

- displays a compulsive need to criticize

- is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability

- undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the bully's mask

- is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to account

- often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus

- refuses to be specific and never gives a straight answer

- may pursue a vindictive vendetta against anyone who dares to held them accountable, perhaps using others' resources and contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and organizations in pursuance of the vendetta

- chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others

- is greedy, selfish, a parasite and an emotional vampire

- lacks a conscience and shows no remorse

- knows the words but not the song

Responsibility

The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behavior and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof; however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behavior and thus liable for its consequences to other people. When called to account for the way they have chosen to behave, the bully instinctively exhibits this recognizable behavioral response:

a) Denial: the bully denies everything. Variations include Trivialization
("This is so trivial it's not worth talking about...") and the Fresh Start tactic ("I don't know why you're so intent on dwelling on the past.")

b) Retaliation: the bully counterattacks.
The bully quickly and seamlessly follows the denial with an aggressive counter-attack of counter-criticism or counter-allegation, often based on distortion or fabrication. Lying, deception, duplicity, hypocrisy and blame are the hallmarks of this stage.

c) Feigning victimhood: in the unlikely event of denial and counter-attack being insufficient, the bully feigns victimhood or feigns persecution by manipulating people through their emotions, especially guilt.

By using this response, the bully is able to avoid answering the question and thus avoid accepting responsibility for what they have said or done. It is a pattern of behavior learnt by about the age of 3; most children learn or are taught to grow out of this, but some are not and by adulthood, this avoidance technique has been practiced to perfection.

Bullies project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviors etc. on to other people to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and divert attention away from themselves and their inadequacies.

Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and allegation; once you realize this, every criticism, allegation etc. that the bully makes about their target is actually an admission or revelation about themselves. When the bully makes allegations of, say, "cowardice" or "negative attitude" it is the bully who is a coward or has a negative attitude.

The objectives of bullies are Power, Control, Domination, Subjugation. They get a kick out of seeing you react. It doesn't matter how you react, the fact they've successfully provoked a reaction is, to the bully, a sign that their attempt at control is effective. After that, it's a question of wearing you down. Bullyonline emphasizes that it is not possible to communicate in a mature manner with bullies that have disordered thinking patterns and therefore recommends the following:

1. Don't respond, don't interact and don't engage.
2. Keep all abusive emails.
3. Understand bullying.
4. Get help. If you're a young person, this is essential.
5. Become alert to provocation.
6. Become an observer. Study the perpetrator and collect evidence.
7. Decide if you want to take action, and if so, prepare carefully and strike hard.

bullyonline.org