Domestic Violence

Domestic violence and domestic abuse are patterns of behavior that establish power and control over an intimate partner through fear and intimidation. It often begins with isolation, jealousy, threats or name-calling and may include emotional, sexual or verbal abuse. It can progress to physical violence like pushing, hitting and kicking. And, it may escalate and results in serious injuries, hospitalization and even death.

Abuse crosses all barriers of age, income, culture, religion, education and race. Domestic violence between partners happens in all kinds of relationships - husbands and wives, dating or live-in partners, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender partners. Anyone can be a domestic violence victim.

http://www.choicesdvcols.org/whatis.php

Years ago I witnessed a close friend endure a backhand from her spouse while her toddler was nestled in her lap. I was so stunned when it happened that I couldn’t immediately analyze exactly what prompted such a violent reaction. The jolt had enough force to make the child bite the inside of his mouth producing crimson saliva that gushed from the orifice, which blended with a stream of tears flowing down his plump cheeks.

Both parents were in the medical profession and subsequently determined that stitches weren’t necessary to close the jagged wound after the bleeding subsided. When the storm abated, I reluctantly took my leave and reflected on the intense scene during the drive home. I thought about how one split second modified my views of someone I had once considered worthy of respect. A senseless moment triggered by anger, inflicting collateral damage.

The phone rang shortly after I arrived home and the voice on the other end had a sense of urgency. It was my friend attempting to make light of what I considered a dreadful situation. She offered excuses for her husband’s behavior and requested that I not tell anyone about what had transpired. After careful consideration, I struck a bargain. I agreed to keep a lid on it providing it was an isolated incident. He did it, there was no excuse. He would either stop or be held accountable, I reasoned.

I kept that promise until I was asked to testify under oath in divorce proceedings against him a few years later. I studied his face searching for a reaction as I answered questions about what I had witnessed. He kept his head lowered, avoiding my gaze, as his secret became a matter of public record and a qualified reason to grant the petitioner termination of marriage.

I never saw him again, but I learned through mutual friends that he was angry with me for going to court. That’s what cowards do; shift the blame and portray themselves as victims. It’s their hallmark.